Mental Illness is something that unless you have experienced it yourself, can be hard to understand. But we must put ourselves in the other persons shoes, and realise there are battles people are fighting every day. I have friends who have suffered and are still suffering from mental illnesses throughout all their young lives and their strength still amazes me. If you have a physical illness I sometimes feel people are more accepting of it. But fighting an illness every day that no one can see takes courage I can only imagine. When I was younger I struggled with my body a lot, I was just becoming a woman and because I was a lifeguard and swam I was quite muscly and not a stick thin size 6. I know many girls that are a healthy size 4/6 due to their body type. I think that’s great as long as they’re not starving themselves or doing the unthinkable to become that size. For my journalism module, we have a created a magazine called moodbored, we post daily and this week we have done a series of features based around Eating Disorder Week. For day three I have answered some questions that were set for me, to break the silence and get people talking. Eating disorders, such as anorexia, bulimia, compulsive eating, binge eating, orthorexia and failed dieting are illnesses that affect people from every walk of life. Feel free to read ahead as I share my experience of something that affects over 1.6 million people in the UK.

What was your experience with eating disorders?

When I was 14 I was scouted in a shopping centre for a modelling agency. Because of my height I was used for several catalogue shoots. This is where I entered into the world of pageants. My first few were fine I enjoyed being curvy and used to win best bikini almost every time. Then as I progressed into the pageant world I started to worry and feel unconfident that my size 10 body wasn’t cutting it anymore. It was around the beginning and middle of 2014 when I started to become obsessive about my weight. Exercising almost every day and eating barely anything, in an attempt to drastically lose weight before my next pageant.

Do you think other people in the pageants experienced it?

I remember hearing one girl throwing up in the toilet at my second pageant and at the time I felt almost relief that it wasn’t just me trying to become this impossibly thin person. Which is awful because I can’t imagine what this girl must have been going through, and if she even had anyone to talk to about it. Watching the already stick thin girls eating orange slices and bowls of salad I’m sure any girl there who was slightly curvier than everyone else, will have felt exactly the same panic about their weight as I did. When I look back I wonder how many of the girls who were extremely skinny were starving themselves for that first place and for that tiara. I don’t feel this is a problem with the pageant industry, and in no way, am I saying they are to blame, it was never the people running the pageants that I felt pressure from. It is a problem with society drilling in from us at a young age that there is only a certain body type which is beautiful. It is just at this pageant I experienced and watched the problem first hand.

More women than men suffer from eating disorders. Do you think that’s a reflection on the pressures put on women to look a certain way?

It’s not just pageants, in society women are expected to meet this impossible standard set. Big lips, wide hips but flat stomach, white teeth, shiny hair, thick but not too thick, it gets tiring. We are constantly comparing ourselves to other people on social media then we punish ourselves for not being able to look exactly like them. But chances are those girls are just as insecure about themselves, and we don’t know what goes on behind those pictures they post. Social media is clever at showing the fabulous parts of our lives but hiding what goes on behind closed doors. There are definitely men out there that are insecure about the way they look, but for women I feel it’s a more widespread problem. Our bodies are sexualised and plastered all over the media and from a young age we are exposed to perfect bodies perfect lives, that we can’t possibly live up to. This is one of the many reasons why eating disorders kill more people than any other mental illness out there, and it needs to be taken more seriously.

What do you think it was that stopped you from becoming unwell with an eating disorder?

My family, I’m blessed to have a mum who saw the signs, she saw me crying over not being able to fit into nearly size 4 dresses. She noticed me buying smaller and smaller clothes, exercising every night and eating nothing but salad. Without her the issue could have escalated much more, she stopped me attending pageants, and she helped me realise there’s more to life than your body. I enjoyed my time on the stage and at points it was so empowering, but this is where I decided I had a lot more to give than my appearance and being a size 0. So, I packed up the tiny clothes and applied to 3 London universities.

What advice would you give to other young women?

It’s easier said than done but never compare yourself to other people, you are beautiful in the body you have. It has taken me years to become comfortable with who I am, I now love my body but still have insecurities about parts of me like my nose size. My main advice would be if you’re feeling how I have felt in the past, speak to someone, anyone. I promise you that every girl has dealt with body confidence issues, and the best thing we can do is talk about it. Eating disorders are pushed under the carpet, girls are told to either ‘stop being silly eat a burger’ or ‘you need to watch what you eat you’re putting on weight’, these, may just be words but I know first-hand how they can affect the way you see yourself. It’s so easy especially with social media these days to say words behind a keyboard, without actually realising the impact they can have on someone. It takes a lot of strength from within to be completely comfortable with yourself, I know every woman out there has that strength. Remember there’s only one you, and you’re beautiful and unique just the way you are. Every hair, stretch mark, freckle, mole and curve makes you who you are, and I think that’s pretty amazing.