Back in 2018 I went to a Creative Debut exhibition, a platform celebrating the brightest emerging designers and artists. At the time I had been following Florence Given for a while, enlightened by the powerful messaging within her art. I had the pleasure of meeting her and expressing how much her artwork, especially around consent, had impacted me. It can be daunting to put your art out there at first, sharing the raw and real parts of your soul. Speaking to Florence encouraged me to continue to turn the most fragile and vulnerable parts of my past into art. Learning that I can make something beautiful and worthwhile out of my pain, and maybe even help others in the process.

Florence Given (she/her) is a 21 year old London-based Artist who uses her platform to address social issues using her signature illustrations. Her work confronts everything from consent, race, sexuality, gender and oppressive systems still in place within society. From creating petitions around controversial shows, appearing on international news networks, tackling rape culture in her artwork, to uplifiting and empowering people on the daily. The queen of multitasking, giving her attention to every cause that she can. Florence started her instagram whilst attending college, now at the age of 21 her following has tripled to over 500,000. She has gained the title of Cosmopolitan’s Influencer of the Year 2019, is a Sunday Times Best-Selling Author and youngest Author to hold a top five spot for 12 weeks in a row.

When I found out that Floss was publishing a book, I remember pre ordering my copy back in September of 2019. Fast forward to June of this year I practically screamed when the book arrived, doing what I always do and diving 6 chapters in on the first day. Even 6 months down the line I revert back to it, much like I do with Chidera Eggerue’s ‘What a Time to be Alone’ and Daniel Chidiac ‘Who Says You Can’t You Do?’. It’s hard for me to write this post and not share every inch of the book. How it’s helped me to question so many detrimental views of myself I still subconsciously held. I will however include the list of chapters inside below, to show the full extent of how much is covered. Then a few snippets of things I have taken away whilst reading. It’s amazing to see girls as young as my little sister being exposed to Floss’s artwork through the release of her book. Watching my sister grow up and start to navigate her way into being a young adult, I’m glad that I can guide her using my experiences. So many of the difficult and painful lessons I have learnt over the years are in Florence’s book. Its incredible to think of how many young girls out there might not have to go through the trauma behind those lessons. They can be taught simply through reading ‘Women Don’t Owe You Pretty’.

In one of her Q&A’s Florence answered a question based around codependency with ‘There is a difference between having your entire worth tied in how someone treats you and needing care from others to make us feel safe. We all deserve and need love. As long as you remember that other people can’t be responsible for your happiness, but should contribute’. Floss deliberates around this subject in Chapter 8 ‘Protect Your Energy’ of her book. She speaks about how important it is to keep a check of your energy, and how you feel in situations. When you leave a room, an event or a person’s company, how do you feel? If you constantly surround yourself with energy deplicters, you’ll become a shell of yourself. Be smart with your energy and set healthy boundaries. I say it all the time in my posts, anyone who comes into your life is simply an addition, you should be whole on your own. This is not a call to start dramatically cutting people out of your life left right and centre. Just start with prioritising what you want from life, what makes you happy and sets your soul on fire. Recognise when people pop in and out of your life at their convenience, walk away and take back your power. Don’t let people take advantage of your kindness, protect yourself and don’t feel guilty in doing so. As a YES person, I can tell you there is nothing more liberating than simply saying NO.

‘Women Don’t Owe You Pretty’ and Florence’s platform as a whole, is incredible for enlightening young people on their power in today’s society. Teaching us all to look past the conditional thoughts programmed into our minds from a young age. The emphasis behind Floss’s book is encouraging others to realise their worth, before having to endure years of trauma. Breaking down this mindset of relying on other people for their happiness, pushing to set healthy boundaries and value their peace of mind. Chapter 15 of her book ‘Stop putting people on a pedestal’ carries this message perfectly. Many of us place ordinary people on pedestals in our minds, putting their opinions and mindsets above our own. Something I’ve been learning this year is to not become attached to the version of someone we have in our heads. By placing people on this imaginary pedestal, we sign up to ultimately be let down. They possibly feel pressure to perform, we feel disappointed, and inevitably it ends in hurt for both parties. One way we can break this pattern is by directing that love inwards. Floss in a recent Q&A stated ‘When we crave intimacy our default reaction is to achieve this from someone, but we can create moments of intimacy by ourselves’. Once you realise you have all the power and control over your life, you ultimately set yourself free.

When I came out as Bisexual, for the first time in my life I saw clearly… so I started questioning. What my future would look like, how I wanted my relationships to feel and even how I was dressing. Subconsciously throughout my teenage years I have held myself to standards of the male gaze. Changing my clothing to be more desired in a room afforded to me by men. Looking back at times I would base my clothes choices on a night out to how attractive they made me to their gaze. On page 161 Floss talks about how when she came out she started questioning her own ideas of beauty. I went through this myself in 2020, for the first time allowing myself to dress comfortably in baggy clothes. Not pinning myself to one form of gender expression. Florence asked the question ‘What parts of your self-expression feel like a routine’ this is something I think about daily. What I have to come to terms with is amazingly I feel just as confident in a dress/heels as I do in my baggy shorts/vans. Difference being I’m taking back my power, doing it all for myself, and what makes me feel alive in my own body. It feels incredibly powerfully after all these years, to know that I’m subconsciously choosing myself in every aspect of my life.

Reading parts of this book took me back to teenage Kath viewing Floss’s work for the first time. A young girl trying to heal herself, who hadn’t seen sexual abuse and sexual assault translated into art before. I was on the road to processing my own trauma, and using my writing as a way of releasing what was held inside. I slowly realised that instead of focusing on the frustration with my past self that had this awful thing happen to her. I’ll focus on my strength and how I have navigated my way to a happier life. It fills me with a sense of joy knowing there’s people out there that will have the same moments reading through Floss’s chapters. Women Don’t Owe You pretty ends with a section on appreciating the journey we’ve been on. Imagining all the past versions of ourselves standing back and staring at us, smiling because of how proud they are. Over the year’s I have realised there is so much power in teaching yourself to make peace with those past versions of you. At the end of the day they got you to where you are now. Always remember past you did the best you could with what you had, what you knew and who you were at the time. You would not be here without them.

So in conclusion Women Don’t Owe You Pretty, we owe you nothing. In a few of my posts I’ve spoken about how I’ve struggled finding my voice again and staying strong on my own. Suffocating in stagnant situationships and relationships, putting everyones feelings before my own. Feeling like I had to change myself, be prettier, quieter, fit the mould others had of me in their heads. I lost my voice completely through prioritising the needs of others above my peace of mind and growth. Teaching myself over and over again how to value my words, my opinions and myself beyond peoples validation. It’s still a journey I’m on, getting closer to my self each day. I believe Floss’s book will open so many young girls’ and peoples minds, helping them to start this journey to themselves sooner. Allowing them to see their true worth and importance outside of being labelled someone’s girlfriend, lover or wife but as their own incredible person.

Check out Floss’s artwork and book here: 

https://www.florencegiven.com/

https://www.waterstones.com/book/women-dont-owe-you-pretty/florence-given/9781788402118

Statement – 10/12/2020

I wanted to address the discourse around Florence Given stealing ideas from Chidera Eggerue’s ‘What A Time To Be Alone’. My blog post is from a personal perspective around how Floss’s art helped me when I was younger and a critique of how her book can do the same for many others. I read ‘What A Time To Be Alone’ back in 2018, both books have equally helped me through growth in my life. My issue is less with the styles being similar as both authors have repackaged a lot of theory from those before them. When being discussed these ideas will inherently look different and similar at the same time, as both Given and Eggerue’s experiences in this world are incomparable.

What I would like to see next is the algorithm to be addressed around the promotion of authors. When searching Black Feminist Books, Florence Given’s book should not be showing on the list. I am unsure if this is because of SEO Marketing on her managements side or solely a representation of how biased the algorithm is. One thing for sure is that the algorithm inherently favours white authors and white faces. I hope Florence will address this issue, and consider donating funds generated to the Black Activists she acknowledges in her book. Wealth needs to be redistributed and the mic passed, always.