Back in 2020 I had planned to take myself abroad for my first solo trip. I was slightly afraid but I wanted to embrace that feeling and all that came with it. Then the pandemic hit and my plans of traveling were paused. Fast forward to the beginning of this year I booked my first solo abroad trip to Seville. 

Turning 25 this year I didn’t think I would feel any different to turning 24. Yet I was met with this hollow feeling in my stomach. They say birthdays change as you get older which is pretty normal. As much as I enjoyed all the celebrations with friends and family, something still felt different. I started doubting where I was in life, started to look inwards at negative habits and patterns I still followed. Looking back at that time I don’t think it was a bad thing. When shedding your skin from one part of your life to another you have to mourn who you once were. In order to move forward in your life you need to embrace change and make peace with the past. I see that period in my life as a shift, I didn’t know it yet but I was growing in so many ways. With this feeling underneath me I knew it was the perfect time for me to go away and embrace change with both hands. I felt gratitude that my path had led to me booking this solo trip. To put one foot in front of the other and set off to Seville alone. I was prepared for silence, to be with my own thoughts and answer a lot of unspoken questions.

Arriving in Seville I had the feeling I always do when I’m doing something on my own. Feeling victorious, excited, free. Although this was my first solo trip abroad, in 2020 I treated myself to a solo midweek getaway in Margate. On this blog I have spoken about the importance of appreciating your own company, that how you view yourself affects every relationship in your life. To be at peace with yourself is in my opinion the key to everything. The thought of traveling to Seville was one that excited me more than scared me. On the first night I arrived in Margate back in 2020 I had a panic attack about staying alone in my apartment. So stepping off that plane with a sense of calm in my heart I knew how much I had grown and that my relationship with myself had never been stronger. Throughout the next few days I explored and relished in all that Seville had to offer. Sitting out on my terrace reading as the day passed, eating dinner in the twilight air. Exploring the city and taking in every road, every cobblestone. Seeing the sunset from the watchtower and feeling the warm glow on my face. It was a short but sweet few days in the hazy city. Just me, the city and my map. A time in my life where I feel like I’d hit a crossroad. Slightly outgrowing old patterns and behaviors, but not fully formed into new ones yet. A time I will never forget. 

Solitude is the best self love gift you can give not only to yourself but all other relationships you have in your life. Let’s debunk something. Spending time with yourself does not take away from the love you have for your family, friends or partner. In order to be the best you for them sometimes you have to take a step back. Remember that you are the one constant in your life. Every time you have cried you are there to wipe your tears. When you have fallen over in the playground you pick yourself back up and dust yourself off. You brush your hair, brush your teeth, shower, dress and take care of yourself. Remember to give yourself credit for getting through every obstacle and hurdle in your life. Not only this but taking care of yourself everyday, even on days where simply breathing feels tough. I believe that self love is not always face masks and bubble baths. Sometimes it comes in the shape of unlearning toxic habits, being introspective and leaning into the truth that you have the power to change anything in your life. The biggest life lessons I have found often occur when you sit in silence just you and allow yourself to simply be. 

Seville gave me time to reflect on where I am in my life and how far I have come. I’m proud to say I love myself. I love how I care & love for others with my whole heart. I love how I see the world. I love that I use writing as therapy. I love that I find so much joy in learning new skills and taking on new hobbies. I love that I’m free spirited. I love how I tell stories. I love that I’ve been the life & soul of the party. I love the light in me & the dark. I love that I overcome everything every time even when I doubt this will be the thing that pulls me under. This relationship you have with yourself is currently the longest one in your life. Show yourself the love you are putting out into this world. By loving and appreciating yourself you can meet others with the same affection. Bettering the love for you only helps that love pour out into the other relationships in your life. So hug your body for all it’s got you through, thank your mind & soul for taking you on this journey of life. You are one in 8 billion on this planet. Unique, multifaceted & amazing. Love yourself accordingly.

It’s always easier said than done though, appreciating your own beauty and worth in this world is a very personal journey. One which I believe by taking time away to just be with yourself it becomes imperative. Since turning 25 I have found myself self sabotaging positive change in my life. There is so much comfort in staying exactly where you are. There’s no wiggle room for hurt or pain, but with that comes the absence of growth. I am so grateful to be in a partnership where I’m supported to flourish within myself. It’s the kind of love I would have only ever dreamed of, everyday I am still reminding myself that I am worthy of it. Traveling to Seville Solo taught me that I will always be okay standing on my own two feet. It also taught me that it’s normal to accept help, there is power in vulnerability and loving with every chance you can get.

There was a time in my life when I used to run away from pain. From any possibility that I would feel it. Now I sit in it and allow myself to feel it all. It’s difficult but also beautiful in a way. I know once I’ve accepted how I feel in that moment of pain and sadness, I will always pass through into something new. You see the hard moments shape you, they change you and one day you’ll look back grateful for that. There you find your strength, your sense of self and the ability to move forward into the next moment. 

At the end of the day that’s what it’s all about. Being brave, embracing change, believing that you will always return to where you are meant to be. However lost you feel. Remembering you did the best with what you knew at the time and that it’s never too late to start anew. Stepping into your future, holding your arms wide open to embrace life and allowing it to embrace you right back.

I have been planning this post since I came back from Seville in late June. Sadly my family received some hard news this summer. So the last few months have felt a little turbulent. I always want to create from a place of reflection, positivity and passion. Therefore I believe it’s important to have breathing space in a creative process and come to terms with real life changes happening. It’s okay to slow down, take your time and lean into as many breaks as you need. Your craft will always be there waiting for you to return. Thank you for taking the time to read my work.